Caramel Apples – You Suck at Cooking (episode 50)
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Caramel Apples – You Suck at Cooking (episode 50)


The first step to making caramel apples is to locate an apple tree and pick an apple. I’ll take that one, please. Thank you. (Intro in minor key) Before you make caramel apples, you want to get into the Halloween spirit by putting up some spooky decorations. some spider webs.. put in a couple ghosts Then you want to get some blood on there Great, that’s looking nice and spooky The jack o’ lantern is the most classic Halloween decoration made from a pumpkin Make sure to get your jack off of the counter and outside where people can see it Other lanterns include.. The Jackalope.. The Pepp o’ lantern.. The Appo’ lantern.. The Cucumb-o’ lantern .. and the lantern. Halloween is the one day a year where children are encouraged to take candy from strangers While trespassing with a mask on The candy apple is the egg salad sandwich of Halloween treats You don’t really want to eat one if you don’t know where it came from They’re also a great way to make sure kids don’t come back to your house next year Now your going to want to get your sticks into the apples in advance You can use a chopstick, or a popsicle stick, a nail file. You can use your favorite wangjangler, you can insert a sharpie, a nice pair of scissors, a wooden dagger that you carved yourself a bread stick.. Whoops! Or a carrot stick… *CHEWS LOUDLY* Mmmmm… apples The key to the caramel apple is balancing the tartness with the sweetness You want a nice sour apple to contrast the sugar It’s kinda like a sour key Remove the stems from the apples **WHISPERS CREEPILY** then keep them in a special place forever We’re gonna take these caramels, a *little* bit of liquid.. milk, cream, water step up to the mic– two minutes power level six or something Once it starts to bubble up like some kind of Sci-Fi virus you want to give it a stir *whispers* That’s how you know it’s working Now I just had these in the freezer so that way the caramel will set immediately Parchment paper here let’s just give it a spin Oh that is some thick-ass caramel sauce SPIN Let’s get the wangjangled version on there I’m throwing these right in the freezer BYE 😀 I’m gonna take this apple.. Cut the top off Cut the core out Now let’s FILL that up with caramel smear some caramel around here.. and we’ll just glue that shut Now that is a caramel apple The other thing we could do is Take an apple *CHOP* *CHOP* Anndd add some caramel in the middle make like a caramel apple sandwich Its basically a stroopwafel *sarcastically* OH LOOK AT ME. I’M FROM THE NETHERLANDS Let’s try one more Now it does not want to stick to the inside of the apple It’s like nanotechnology or something It’s like that magical spray that came out a couple years ago *chuckles* Where you can like pour mustard on your shirt and nothing will stick maybe we should make, like, clothes out of apples ya’ know Then we’ll never get stained That’s patented Alright so Our candy apples set beautifully And if you want to get even fancier from here, take some melted chocolate Drizzle it all over there *sarcastically* Oh look at me, I’m Jackson Pollock It’s also good to use if you didn’t get on the top here You can just make it look like you meant it And then, this handle is a little bit loose here, so use the chocolate to shore up the structural integrity There we go. Once that dries it will be stronger than cement… but tastier than a brick This is mint chocolate by the way if you don’t like mint chocolate you’re a f****** tool maybe we can make a crazy face on here That looks pretty good. That’s actually my first time ever trying that and then ya’ know we do like the theater masks sad on this side “oohh I’m in drama class” Which caramel apple are you? This is obviously is the most dangerous caramel apple a human could ever make Mostly because of the dagger, partly because the apple seeds contain cyanide This one is going to be really awesome if you’re hungry and you need to stir some marinara sauce Now we are going to put the caramel apples in a dark closet for 24 hours to infuse them with maximum fear If you want to be THAT HOUSE at Halloween, the house that makes kids super excited, give out full sized candy bars But if you don’t want to give out full sized candy bars remove the candy bar from the package Replace it with bread sticks and a little fortune cookie style note “Life is full of disappointment” Now you’re ready to go Another way to do a candy apple is to make the stick out of candy That way you can start with the apple and finish with the really good stuff afterward Other candy apples you can make are the juicy Frapple the Skitt-apple the Tic-tapple the Kit-kapple If you don’t want to go through all the trouble to make candy apples There’s lots of other treats that kids LOVE such as… sesame snaps, pepperoni sticks apple sauce, seaweed magic brownies, a spoonful of sugar a can of tomato soup, a handful of prunes a little box of raisins and old man mints Happy Halloween everybody! ♫ *piano playing* You suck at cooking, oh my god ♫ ♫ You suck, you suck, you suck at cooking, oh my god ♫ ♫ You suck, you suck, you suck, oh my god ♫ ♫ You suck. ♫ *spraying water sound*

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100 thoughts on “Caramel Apples – You Suck at Cooking (episode 50)

  1. Jackolantern – Orange Lantern

    Jackalope – Greenish Orange Lantern
    Peppolantern – Yellow Lantern
    Applolantern – Steve Jobs
    Cucumbolantern – Green Lantern
    Lantern – Regular Lantern
    All we need now is the Guardians of the Universe (Blueberrolanterns) and we have a DCU movie in the makings.

  2. Kid: Mom can we go to that house
    Mom: sure honey
    Kid walks up to house and knocks on door
    Kid: Can I have caramel apple
    Him: hands her the apple with a carrot
    Kid: Why is there a carrot
    Him: Doesnt answer and shuts door

  3. How delicious (and very unhealthy) would it be if you carved the top of the apple, spooned the insides out, cover it back up, but then, take a stick, stab it into the Apple, put it in the fridge, let it harden, and enjoy.

  4. You give out a candy apple one year so kids don't come back to your house then the next year you give out like full sized candy bars to teach kids that you should never get comfortable or assume anything

  5. "Halloween is the only time children are encouraged to take candy from strangers, while trespassing with masks on" this man is fuckin genius😂😂

  6. I AM HIGHLY OFFENDED WITH YOU SAYING "OH HEY, LOOK, I'M FROM THE NETHERLANDS" I WILL EAT YOUR LIVER SO THAT YOU WILL CRY, (PS: I AM A VERY MEAN MEAN MEAN HATE COMMENT, btw LUV YA BUT HATE YOU XXDDD)

  7. Shoving a snickers into an apple is the best thing i ever learned on the internet. Throw it in the oven for 10 minutes and you have a treat thats out of this world. Serve with yogurt. Thanks buddy

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