Chef Image Intervention | Torontopia
- Articles, Blog

Chef Image Intervention | Torontopia


(rock music) – Alright, what was so important that you need me to come
in four hours early? – [Garrett] Alright
Danny, we need to talk. – Wait, what’s going on? – Sit down, Daniel. – Look, is this about
the Kraft dinner sides just ’cause I know you all
said smaller portions– – Danny, it’s not about the Kraft dinner! It’s about your image. (melancholy guitar) (chefs muttering) – Your image.
– Or lack thereof. – My image? What’s wrong with my image? – What’s wrong with your image? Look at you! You don’t have a single tattoo. No piercings, that dumb hat! Do you even wanna be a chef? – We have have been busting our asses cultivating these dope bad-boy images and you like the chef
you bring home to mamma! – Have you even seen a Vice show? – Dude, you look like you have a day job. – I do have a day job! Look, I care about food! That’s why I went to a Top Chef academy. (laughs) – Being a chef is not about cooking food. – Danny, we serve grilled
cheese and Kraft dinner. – Okay, Garrett has something
he would like to read to you! – I don’t think is necessary– – Daniel! He said I have something to read! (breathes loudly) When you dress not to
impress, it hurts us all. – [Man] Yeah, it does. – I have the sickest
image and work really hard to make sure everyone knows that I’m not your grandmother’s chef. (murmurs in agreement) Even Billy here has a sick image. He used to be in a hardcore
band, Death Chariot. (murmur approval) Good band, good band. – Look, I don’t think– – Getting some tattoos
might hurt you physically but the fact that you
don’t have a single one? Now, that hurts us… It hurts us emotionally. – You see that? That’s why Garret’s
our most requested chef and he doesn’t even know how to cook. – I never learned! – Look, what is so
bad-boyish about all of you? (laughs) – What? – What do you mean?
– Are you dumb? I’m on a three-day bender right now. Uh, you know, chef stuff! – I just got out of rehab. – [Man] Rehab! – I’m currently drunk. – Yeah, I’m in three failed bands, bad nautical tattoos,
I rap on the side. – Do you even know how to rap? Do you know how to rap, Daniel? – Wait, you guys all rap? (laughs hysterically) – Dude, every bad-boy
chef raps on the side! (rapping) ♪ Hey yo, philosophies, hypocrisies ♪ ♪ Combo 3 be, tostit’s with guac and cheese ♪ (chanting) – Cheese, cheese, cheese. And sleeves, remix! Daniel! Guys like us have an advantage. We’re fat. You just want to throw away
your natural chef advantage? – I’m not fat! (groans) – Take the compliment! I’d kill to be fat. – Yeah! – Look at these complaints
we’ve been getting. Food was overpriced. $18 for some bagel bites. Waiter kept hitting on my friend. – How is that one my fault? (groans) – Oh, right! Because it’s everyone else’s
fault that you’re a square! – I’m the only one in
here who cares about food. You know I’ve been taking night classes? (yells disgust) – Night classes! – Well, that explains
why you’re not hungover. – No, I’m not hungover
because I don’t drink. (yells in disgust) – Okay, we tried doing this the easy way. You have until this time tomorrow to get a full sleeve of tattoos or we’re putting you on administration. – I’m not getting a
full sleeve of tattoos! – Well I guess that settles it, then! Until further notice, I
will be promoting Garrett to Head Chef. – What? (murmur in approval) – Congratulations, man. – Thank you. I will not let you down. I will not let you down. – I know you won’t. – Yes, you’re absolutely
going to let him down. You don’t know how to cook, Garrett! (groans) Does the manager know about this? Do you even have the
authority to do any of this? – Hey, when you’re ready
to take this serious, come back on an
all-nighter, and we’ll jam! (murmur in approval) – Whatever, fine, okay. I’m out of here. – Hey, Danny. I’m gonna need your spatula. (murmurs of disbelief) – My spatula? My late father gave me this spatula. – Did that sound like a question? Give him the spatula, Head Chef. – You know, if you’re not ready for the responsibility of tattoos, well then maybe you
should get an office job where your pristine skin can
be covered by a shirt and tie. – You know what? This place sucks. And so does Death Chariot. – [Garrett] Good riddance! – Yeah, get the hell out of here! Beat it! (murmurs of approval) – Okay, listen up! Head Chef here. – Congratulations, man. I can’t say it enough. – All right, but I just
have a quick question about cheffing. How long do you microwave
a can of creamed corn without it sparking? – Four or five minutes? (explosion)
– Oh! God, my ball of tin foil! (electric guitar) (acoustic guitar)

About Earl Carter

Read All Posts By Earl Carter

8 thoughts on “Chef Image Intervention | Torontopia

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *