[Sean] What’cha doing? Nothing. [Sean] Why do you have all those ingredients out? [Sean] Are you cooking? I’m cooking. [Sean] Oh my God. This is like, a rare moment. If you know me, you know that I never cook, cuz I don’t know how. You know what, there are things I cook — kinda. [Sean] I can name one thing that’s like, I absolutely love. What? [Sean] Ramen. Oh, I can make ramen. I know how to make e-eggs. (so-so gesture) Poptarts. Hot pockets! I can make popcorn. Rice! That’s like, about it. (Sean laughs) See, what I like to do — well, I don’t know how to cook properly I can cook! What I like to do is to invent recipes. See, it is what a cook does, right? They invent recipes. So I invented this one day as a joke. It was Greg’s birthday, and Greg always makes this same joke where we’ll be like “Hey, what do you guys wanna eat?” and Greg will always say ‘lasagna’. So, for his birthday, I actually made lasagna. but — and — that’s the crazy part, cuz he would’ve never expected it, because I don’t know how to cook. But, I did it my way. Dude, I have to say, [Sean] that lasagna was good!
[Ryan] It was good! It was like, hella good, dude. That’s the first thing I ever invented, and it was pretty good. I’m gonna teach you guys how to make it, cuz this is a cooking show today. Aww yeah. Sean could make this in his sleep, cuz Sean actually knows how to cook. But I don’t. So we’re gonna be making my version of lasagna, and what that is: Rice, cheese, and lasagna. (both laugh) It’s Chef Boyardee lasagna. [Sean] Yuuum. Basically, I took something that I knew how to make, which is the Chef Bayer — oh, Chef Boyardee lasagna, and then I just added in some more chee — [Ryan] I like cheese, I love cheese!
[Sean] I love cheese. Put in the rice first, cuz you need some kind of starch, and the noodles aren’t enough in the Chef Boyardee. There’s a lot of sauce, but not enough noodles. So it’s gonna work. And then you throw in a bunch of mozzarella to make it look like it’s something that’s not, uh, It looks like it’s not — [Sean] Chef Boyardee? Chef Boyardee. Welcome to the first episode of ‘Cooking, but not really’. (Sean laughs) That’s a good name, right? So, what you need first is a rice pot, and a rice cooker. And you need some — (both laugh) I don’t know who this character is. Uh, you need a tray. I’m assuming you need a spoon at some point. This is like, the opposite of a cooking show? Like, I don’t even measure things? So, we need: mozzarella, Chef Boyardee — I don’t even know how many cans, I’m gonna just guess. [Sean] Ay, freestyle, dude. [Ryan] That’s it?
[Sean] Yeah. Ah, that’s a three ingredient — See, it’s so easy? I remember I threw in something else randomly, cuz I was just like, “Hey, Imma throw something random in here.” Can I just grab something — you know what? It’s part of the secret. I’m just gonna grab something and throw it in. (both laugh) And if it tastes good, at least we know. [Sean] Alright.
[Ryan] Let’s go. So, I’m gonna feeding some of this to my brother and his girlfriend, and we’re gonna see if they can tell it’s Chef Boyardee. [Sean] Okay. [Sean] Do you need help? No. I got it, Sean. Oh, it’s 10 for 10! [Sean] Damn. Should I grab a wagon? No, we got this, dude. We’re strong. We look so dumb right now. [Ryan] Kinda like, two struggling co —
[Sean] Oooh. College students. We should grab a basket, this is gonna fall. Oh, wait. Let’s put it in here! Just like this. I don’t know why I lied it down. [Sean] Lied it down? La — laid it down. [Sean] We need to practice our English. This is a lot. That’s a lot of cheese. [Ryan] Our inner Hawaiian just came out.
[Sean] I know. Hoho! That’s a lot! [Sean] Oh, dude. Probably not too safe. [Sean] Kinda scary. This is more than what we’re actually gonna need. [Ryan] But you know what? — Oh!
[Sean] Oh my God. Okay. [Both] Oh! (both laugh) [Sean] Oh, you hella scared me. Oh, dude. That would end bad. I think that I’m a chef. And you only cook multiple things at the same time. So what you’d like to do is cook the rice first, yeah? Cuz the rice take long time for cook. We’re gonna put the rice inside the pot. Wash the rice. [Ryan] See? It’s pretty clear, right?
[Sean] Yeah. [Ryan] So I’m gonna guess that was like, 4 cups? [Ryan] But, what do you do, you go like this, right? [Sean] Yeah, you put your finger in. [Ryan] Show ’em the technique, dude. [Sean] You see the lines of your finger. [Sean] First line is the rice. Second line is water. [Ryan] But, I actually want a little bit less than the line. I don’t want the rice to be too — [Sean] Too soft.
[Ryan] Yeah. Hai! Step 1: Cook. Now we need a pot for all this stuff. (lasagna plops, both laugh) [Ryan] I love that sound. [Ryan] Gotta learn this trick! [Sean] Punch your own hand? Yeah. [Ryan] Did you know that? [Sean] Yeah.
[Ryan] Huh. (both laugh) [Ryan] Anyone can cook this, dude. It’s not even cooking. [Ryan] I can’t see if it’s on or not. [Sean] Definitely not on. There you go. Alright. We need a stirring thing — That’s what this spoon was gonna be for. [Sean] Ah. Smart. Akamai! So, now we gotta wait for everything to heat up. Last time, I grabbed something random. I just threw it in there. I don’t remember what it was. We’ll narrow it down to one of these 5 things. [Ryan] By process of elimination, I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered if it was orange peel. [Ryan] Pretty sure it’s not red pepper. [Ryan] I don’t even know what thyme is. [Ryan] It’s either one of these two. [Sean] Paprika or oregano. I honestly have no idea which one it was. So Imma just say, rrr…. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. (sped up eeny meeny) Nine, ten! [Ryan] Oregano.
[Sean] Oregano it is! [Sean] I think that’s the correct choice.
[Ryan] How much should I put in? [Sean] Just put a little, dude.
[Ryan] Like this? See, this is a proper technique. Look. Oh, too much. [Ryan] Just tempering that. U-huh. [Ryan] And then the fun part. [Ryan] Sprinkling some togooglies, and then Sean you’re gonna wanna stir it a little bit. [Sean] Dude, that looks bomb. [Ryan] Yeah, there you go. [Ryan] Then the second half of the togoogly, [Ryan] then we add in the last togoogly. [Ryan] We’re still gonna use this! That’s not even half the cheese we’re using. [Sean] Aww yeah.
[Ryan] That’s a lot of cheese. [Ryan] Dude, this is pretty much ready already. So we timed it kinda wrong. I mean, Sean did it. Sean did the timing poorly. This is mos — oh, it’s almost done. Good timing, Sean-me. (both laugh) [Sean] (laughs) I like that one. [Ryan] And that’s done. [Ryan] Alright. First thing you — hot! [Sean] Oh, dude! First thing you do is layer it. Bam! Oh, it’s still kinda wet actually. Eh, that’s okay. Oh, that’s hot! That thing’s so hot! Bam! Bam bam! Press it down. Bam. Next step: mozzarella. [Ryan] This is so unhealthy. [Ryan] But, we’re not doing it for health. [Ryan] We’re doing it for the kids who don’t know how to cook, which is me. [Ryan] This is epic meal time with people who don’t know how to cook. And then you just layer it on like that. [Ryan] Maybe I shouldn’t have put on the cheese in here. [Ryan] It’s kinda difficult with the strings. [Sean] I’m like, legit drooling dude. [Ryan] Gross. (both laugh) Look at all these cheese strings! Alright, nope — for some of you at home, just wait, put the cheese later. It’s the same thing. I just want to make it fancier, okay? [Ryan] Final layer. [Ryan] More cheese, the better. [Ryan] Like they say, you can never go wrong with too much cheese.
[Sean] Yup. [Sean] Unless you’re lactose. Alright. Put this in the oven. [Ryan] Once all that cheese melts, we’re good to go. This is so unhealthy for you guys! This is not an everyday kinda meal. [Sean] Definitely not. I mean, you guys switch it up with ramen and hot pockets — I know. You guys got ramen, and also hot pockets, chicken pot pies — Oo, I should make a pot pie. That sounds really hard. Let us know what you want us to cook next time, and we’re probably not gonna do it. We’re making our own thing anyway. [Sean] This is fun. I like your way of cooking. Thanks, dude. No rules! ‘Kay. Ready for the reveal? [Sean] Bum-bara-pa-pa-pam. Look at that! Yeah? Doesn’t that look real? I mean, it looks like some — doesn’t look like lasagna! It does look like lasagna! Yeah, Greg! Oh, Greg’s lasagna are the ones with the patties, huh? [Greg] Patties?
[Sean] I don’t know what you call them. [Greg] Layers.
[Sean] Layers. Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Professional. [Ryan] This is the one I served you, Greg?
[Greg] Yeah. If it tastes anything like last time, I’m outta here. (all laugh) What the hell? Pft, I know what this is already, I told you. I knew the moment I walked in. Tell me how long it took you to make this. I think the longest thing was the rice. [Sean] Yup, pretty much. (Sean laughs) [Sean] What’s up, Kyle? It’s straight Chef Boyardee. Oh, dude. I knew the moment I walked in, I could smell it. Chef Boyardee is good. [Sean] It is good, though. I still like this a lot. I like Chef Boyardee too. [Ryan] This series is called ‘Cooking, but not really’. ‘Cooking, but not really’? [Ryan] Isn’t that what it is? Like, cooking, but not really. [Ryan] I caught that on camera. Well in that case, we got a bunch of those. Yeah, I know. It’s really just a way for me and Sean to eat some more. Well that, right there, was an episode of ‘Cooking, but not really’. [Sean] Mmm, that lasagna was so good. It was the best I ever had in my life. Well, unless you don’t like Chef Boyardee. Let us know in the comment box if you want to see us cook again! Well, not really cook, but kinda cook. You know what I mean.