CYPRIEN – TOP CHEF
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CYPRIEN – TOP CHEF


There is a new TV show that just came out, it’s called Top Chef, I don’t know if you have seen it. September 10, 2010. Cyprien walks quietly in the street. At the same time an asteroid threatens to
crash on the earth. Any measure is taken by the leading forces who have not been warned because of an
error of inattention. Fortunately, it degrades into the air and
becomes a dust which comes in contact with a Cyprien’s
oily hair, and by a molecular reaction that we can’t
explain now coupled with a scriptwriting ease, a time warp is created propelling Cyprien several years before, and, he will never know it. I’m suffering from the Top Chef’s curse. It means that the evening when I eat the
worst crap, it’s Top Chef’s time. What’s for dinner ? Well.. I took all the leftover feed of the
week, put it all in a Tupperware, add some water, in the micro-wave, and here it is, a kind of quiche, and for the bread, we got pizza crusts. 30 seconds ! They do it on purpose ! They know it ! It’s to put us off of not eating well. Let me eat shit in peace. There is one disingenuous thing with
Top Chef, from the beginning, the opening credits, with the head of all candidates, they should remove the face of people
eliminated over the weeks, it looks obvious ! Sorry but it’s not good, for you the
adventure stops here. Is it possible to remove me from
the credits ? Not at all, no way ! We will show your face every week to
millions of viewers who will tell “I have no fucking idea of
who this guy is”. Great. This is Top Chef. Honestly people who make this show, wow, well done honestly, first because it’s
really well paced, the music ! Have you ever heard the music
they put in Top Chef ? Oh, you’re watching Pirates of the
Caribbean ? No I’m watching a guy cuting leeks. And what happen this year ? They have changed almost the whole jury ! Thierry Marx, there is no Thierry
Marx anymore, my favorite ! Well, he left for new projects, for gastronomic things, culinary,
something technical I guess, which take him a lot of time,
that must be the reason. Lustucru “As a chef”, pasta that make you want to cook,
as a chef. The only remaining jury member is
the robot. What ? Don’t try to make me believe that Jean-François Piège is a human being. Someone who stands like this naturally, is, of course, an artificial intelligence. Excellent cooking, it’s my favorite. And who does they put in the jury ? Who ? Philippe Etchebest ! The guy who yells at you non-stop,
like this : Damn, trust yourself ! Where is your
creativity ? Bring your creativity out ! If you don’t regain control, it will
hit you, alright ? People are lost because he screams, so they cook shit, so he screams. Well this is normal to be confused, in front of someone who has no eyebrows.
Disturbing. What the hell are you doing ? Damn ! Where are his eyebrows ? Does he had them at the beginning of the
show ? Is it contagious ? I don’t want to lose my eyebrows ! No lies, every year it’s almost the same, every year tests are the same, every year they must cook for kids, every year there is an ass-kisser who
decides to cook some fucking vegetables to impress the jury. So, for kids, I made them some turnips, with pickled cabbage, a medley of forgotten vegetables, with a sweet-and-sour sauce, and all together shaped like a fish, kids love when it’s fish-shaped. Yuck ! It’s disgusting ! I wanna die !
I wanna die ! Really ? Mom it’s really not good ! I didn’t expect it… Every year, the winner is the one
who cooks pasta. For 6 years now. The black box’s test. This is crazy. They must reproduce a dish,
that they must taste it, touch it, in complete darkness. In a giant box. With infrared cameras. It’s kind of weird in fact. So, I’ve tasted everything, put everything in my mouth, I think that there is some seafood, and cheese maybe,
a strong cheese. What is it ? Yet, I licked everywhere. I’ll remember. The horrible moment in this show,
it’s the final. The final is embarrassing, Finalists have to prepare dozens of menus, with the help of the guys who have been
eliminated before. People told them : “sorry the adventure
is over, you’re really sucks, get the fuck out ! Oh wait, come back, you will help someone
else to win.” So, in front of you, sweet potato
gnocchi, chorizo emulsion, and a foie gras sauce prepared by, wait… by, I forgot his name, the guy who has been get out on
first week, right. Bon appétit ! ANTIFREEZE To find out who won the show, because there is money to win, they do a small staging, they go to the
finalists, with all their friends, family and stuff, they must pull a knife out of its case, if the blade is orange, they have lost. Well, maybe I have a twisted mind but it’s basic, survival instincts, if I tell someone that he has lost, I don’t give him a bladed weapon. It’s your turn ! Orange blade, you lose. 100.000€ go to the other finalist, antifreeze in gnocchi it hasn’t convinced, it was not a very
good idea. Be careful to the seasoning, it lacked
salt sometimes, it’s right that… And the red blade ! What does the red
blade mean uh ? It lacks salt. Be careful to the seasoning. It’s important. Well, Top Chef doesn’t change my life, I always eat the same thing unfortunately, yes, there is a small difference. Before I was cooking like this, now, like this. I still eat shit, but it’s stylish. Subscribe. Subtitles by the Adam V

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100 thoughts on “CYPRIEN – TOP CHEF

  1. 5:22 POUR UNE FOI TU M'AS FAIT un peu SOURIRE, et ben POUR UNE FOI, tu l'as pécho ou celle-ci ?
    C'est facile quand même hein, t’enflamme pas l'artiste !

  2. Au Cyprien mais t’es trop cool t’es trop t’es trop cool avec tonton application qui s’appelle nope Quiz

  3. Franchement c’est chiants 99% des commentaires disent qui regarde ça en 20??
    (J’ai mis 20?? Pour que les années prochaines il soit encore valable)
    Si vous voulez j’ai aussi une chaîne

  4. Mince. Maintenant je vais passer mon temps à regarder les sourcils inexistants de Philippe Etchebest plutôt que l'émission…

  5. Voici Lana 👧
    Lana n'en a rien à foutre de l'année ou vous regardez cette vidéo

    Donc ne likez pas et foutez lui la paix 🙂

    Vuala :]

    ___
    🙋‍♀️Miskine
    ___

  6. Ma petite sœur aussi à pas de sourcils et elle s'appelle Pénélope. Alors on l'appelle:Pépé sans sourcils. Mdr 😂

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