- Articles

Mad Cook Episode 6 – Eng Sub

Munchie Man is very… very… angry. Welcome to Mad Cook – serving as your taste journey guide,
the nervous wreck of a gourmet chef, Rantala. Attention! It’s time to talk – I’m PISSED OFF! GOD DAMMIT! FUUUCK! As a regular consumer doesn’t put their health
as a top priority while feeding their family it’s not a surprise that not many give a fuck
about politics regarding food. Our lecture today – Food and Politics! Store chains and property companies fund
politicians’ campaigns, with their eyes set on zoning plans! Shops offering us deal after deal are the most important advertisers for newspapers! In essence two main brands decide what the masses of regular Finns EAT! The food business holds the decision makers, media and the consumers and what’s being fed to us doesn’t come from nutritionists’ advices,
common sense, our ancestors’ traditions but from the minds of the greedy, money and power hungry,
profit-maximizing, privatized money-hoarding FUCKS! Food is the key of understanding how the world really works.
Supply creates demand, the consumers are fucked,
in the best case scenario, out of both their money and lives. When raising this loop to an international level– God damn it! –climbing ass-forwards to the tree starts to feel like a tyranny! The IMF and the World Bank hold the Third World in a loan
Half-Nelson. To pay off the debts, they must let the disgusting corporate pigs to enter their countries’ poor markets. That’s how local farmers are BANKRUPTED and Third World residents are pumped full of food “unfit” for Westerners. Even if locally produced and healthier options are available, they can’t compete with the down-trodden prices of conglomerates. THE POOR PEOPLE AAARRRGH– …buy what’s cheap, the economy fails to rise, malnutrition and famine reign supreme– GOD FUCKING DAMN IT! Each year, six million children under the age of five die from hunger. When bankers began gambling around with food futures to catch some of the chips falling of the table The food bubble will burst, and the profiteers’ handiwork will be seen as rising depression in the Western world as well as a surging arc of people dying of hunger. “Add some pine into the bread dough
the neighbours’ wheat frosted away.” [PINE BARK BREAD] “Not long ago, our Northern lands suffered from famine.” “Back then the Finnish youth made Panis Corticeus – Pine Bread.” Let’s take a short break from preaching– GOD DAMN IT! FUUUUCK! Our next menu item has kept nature’s people in protein and Third Worlders in the world from the Stone Age to Colonialism but to most Westerners they are a horrible thing. Even in the Bible they were marked as foul and the Lord was feared to CRUSH all pagans who indulged on these creatures. So, today we’ll munch on some– Bugs. Bu-bu-bu-bu-buuuuuu–gs. Our assistant chef today is David Kennedy! A world-travelling kitchenmeister straight from
Johannesburg, South Africa. During our vast travels we have of course tested all of these bunglers but this is the first time we will enjoy them in a real gourmet form. so I’m actually hoping to lose today’s RPS to try these out. I am rock hard, waiting to start cooking. Those sizzling in there are a load of fucking locusts and looks like these worms will soon meet the mouth of Beelzeub in the hot oily, pan. So, what’s our travelling cook master doing here, what spices are you going to add? Juuust garlic – and remember, my little home chefs, when other ingredients and stuff begin popping up here while you’re sitting in your sofa corners,
fiddling your damn pissing equipment– –throw the pens away, no need for notes! [ADVERTISEMENT] You can find it all here, the cookbook for every home! [ADVERTISEMENT] You gotta remember that crickets, worms or cockroaches are no
flib-flab munchies, but according to many researchers the solution to famine. If even us Westerners learned to eat these more, maybe, just maybe the meat production that’s gotten completely out of hand could be toned down a bit to a more ideal level. Who knows..? Anyway, if you want to be the most hipster of them all, the first adapter and the ballsiest opinion creator, start adding
cockroach powder into your tofu! Oohhh, you can hear zem zizzling, ze fucking cockroachzeeeezzzzzz! Alright, my lovely bun ducks! Here we are again, playing with food,
while there’s famine in Africa – or perhaps because of that..? Think about that. Anyway! The Bug Rolls and Chocolate Roaches are ready! Time for a good ol’ RPS to see which one of us shall throw these buggy proteins down our gullet! Alright! -…and I wanna lose this time, dear God, please let me lose! OOOONE, TWO, THREEE–
uuuhh…what… hey, I lost! Just what I wanted! Maaaag-nificent! Alright, you dick, stuff the bugs in your face, now! Gotta admit, even though I’ve had my fair share previously, this always puts the Westerner on a bit of edge. So… worm-cricket spring roll. Well, what’s holding YOU back..? -Oh, it’s damn good. So good, but – that certain Chitin-like basic property of the taste, which I assume here is from the fat fricking worms as they burst open in my mouth, brings a slightly deep… texture to the dish, but otherwise, so damn good! Time for dessert! Chocolate Roach… served as a breaded little feller… Gotta say, looks pretty gourmet! So FUCKING good! Want some?
-Why not? – Go ahead! Cheers! Looks like even we in Finland have to start looking for our own
bug reserves! Lapland has a shitload! Take some vacuum cleaners and… and start flippin’ burgers! Millionaire material… Think, the first person to develop
a good bug vacuum will be A BILLIONAIRE, no doubt. Cockroaches are comparable to crawfish, which a hundred years back was only the meal of ze Lords. A large amount of the people wouldn’t have touched them with a stick, thinking they’re horrible shit. But little-by-little, the tradition of crawfish parties slid down to the working man’s level and these days everyone’s throwing one in the Fall. So why couldn’t ze roaches be the main ingredient of
a Springtime Feast in a hundred years? So, if any Swedish “Better Folk” are watching this– Step outside your mansions and start spreading
a new cockroach culture. Sling the roaches on white porcelin in lines,
schnaps songs rocking and– In a hundred years, it’s a wholly different atmosphere! Mad Cook says thanks… over and out! Cockroaches… mmmmm… A few words on inequality– –there’s A FUCKING BILLION starving people on this Earth. There’s also a billion overweight people on this Earth… The only thing that’s fucking certain, is that the cash-hoarding honchos hiding their money under their beds will not change things.
The only solution is for all of us to look in the mirror. Daily command to you – Know, Support, Take Action! When it comes to famine, indifference won’t HURT anyone’s feelings– – indifference KILLS.

About Earl Carter

Read All Posts By Earl Carter

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *