Mad Cook Episode 9 – Eng Sub
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Mad Cook Episode 9 – Eng Sub


FUCKING HIPPIES! WelbblblblblbbllbblBLBLBLBLBLBLCMMLc -come to Mad Cook’s revelation hut, where today
we’ll talk about eating ecologically. THIS – is the food industry’s idea about the animal
we know as “cow”. It might be delish, but regarding its carbon imprint,
it’s a rude bugger that spends its days belching and farting
the ozone layer full of holes! Everyone knows that flying, driving and other traffic
pollute our planet like a motherfucker. But for me, I was recently
unpleasantly surprised– –to hear that the meat industry’s emissions are
on the completely same level. The most boneheaded fuckers lying on their sofas
are already aggroing: “Rantala is dissing MEAT!” …although I’ve dunked down a wealth of meat myself. Sad to say, but any knowing, feeling and sensing person
in this day and age simply cannot shrug off the DAMNED unecological
workings of the meat industry. So unfortunately, neither can I. FUCCKKING HIPPIIEES!!! And so it shall be. The unfortunate fact to all of us allergic to tofu,
is that one cow releases 250 liters of methane per day. As all of us who didn’t sleep in the back during chemistry know,
it’s a greenhouse gas 23 times more potent than carbon dioxide. The livestock of the world is farting around on such a scale,
that swines and hoofers alone are responsible for
1/3 of all greenhouse gases. Top that with the fact that the number one reason ruining
water sources around the world is their shit and Bob’s your uncle! The hornheads and piglets also need a fucking crazy amount
of LIVING SPACE The territory these fuckers roam on already takes
up to 1/4 of the entire planet! Rainforests are being torn down right now just so
the Westerners hooked on Happy Meals will get
their daily fix. Statistics inbound – in one year our Produce Barbababas eat up
700 000 FUCKING million tons of wheat FUCKING million tons of wheat FUCKING million tons of wheeeeaaaaat– With that amount, we could feed THREE BILLION people,
but at the same time A BILLION people are starving. One doesn’t even have to be a naive do-gooder like Tunna,
a dirty hippie shitting his hamp-trousers with Tempeh FUCKING HIPPIES!!! –to understand that the less we consume meat,
the more food will there be to go around the world. Statistics continue to bring me down – today regular Finns are chowing down closer to 80 kilos
of pig, bowine and chick annually. Five times more than during Mad Cook’s parents’ childhood. Then we ate reasonably, now we gorge like everyday is
FUCKING CHRISTMAS! For the sake of truth I must preach,
the same shit is going on str– –the same shit is going on everywhere
as standards of living and population rise. By 2050, we will be a posse of a psychedelic, unimaginable
amount of 9,1 BILLIIIOOOOON Most of whom will live in the Third World,
where the fast food empires are planning to strike next. Meat production will explode. But the Clarabelles should graze, eat something,
and their food should be grown somewhere and that – our planet cannot take. … God damn it…
every beautiful thing is taken away. FUCKING HIPPIES!!! Can we change anything, or is all hope lost
for us meat lovers? Should we just quit? There’s always hope – just start thinking
what, why and where you eat, and how much? In the end, the industry will listen how
the consumers’ vote with their wallets and the collective overall change in
our eating habits can BEGIN! Yeaaah, yeeaah… Amen! No more preaching, but what shall we eat today?
Why, ecological local food, of course! No real pollution and the nutrients are still there.
That is– Mother’s Milk. Mommy milk can be used for nearly all baking instead of reg,
so today we’ll whip up some deeeeelicious apple muffins! Ingredients – one mom, health inspected. Streptococcus may run wild in the white miracle,
so demand clean papers from thy donor. Also keep in mind that this substance has not been
through Louie Pasteur’s process. so always use ze mjolk while it’s fresh! Other ingros – 5 dl flour, 1 tbsp baking powder, 1 tspn salt,
cinnamon, which you kinda like sch-mix around. Now the dry stuff is all stirred up, great –
2 egg whites, honey, which could have been in ze microwave… Hint, hint, Mr. Producer. If possible, use honey from Yemen. The best honey. honeyhoneyhoney Oh my, I almost forgot! Momma’s mjolkie. 2½ dl will be enough, so from a bosomy Bertha,
a good squeeze from both melons will do nicely. Depends on how much the little twerp has been
suckling on ze teets. Or daddy, possibly… Chop a few abbles, to be honest I’m tired of choppin’,
so this will be enough. And then, throw the dry ingros in… Then we beat it like a madman’s cock in a mindless asshole
until the blend is smooth and voilá – it’s done! Then we squeeze it in the molds and, as we pros say,
shove that shit in the oven. 200 degrees Celcius, 20 minutes! WHAT’S THAT FUCKING SCRIBBLING SOUND!? I fucking knew it… Some of you home cooks
are feeling nervous and nerdy! Throw the fucking pens away as all recipes– [ADVERTISEMENT] can be found in our culinaristic adventure book. [ADVERTISEMENT] [ECOLOGICAL FOOD] “In the future, even your pan will be home
to insect protein. PREPARE!” “Oh, what a smell, rising from the ooveeen/
we can smell it in the aaaaiiiir!” Ze muffels are ready, and now we’ll decide who will
munch on these titty milk-infused bakery products! Ready? -Let’s go. ONE,TWO, THREE! Ahhh, I won… oh how nicely I won with my SCISSORS! Fuck you, new round. -Ohhh, well… okay. ONE,TWO, THREE! Noooo Fuuuuccckkiiing Waaaayyyy… Everytime I could’ve won this happens. Fuck you, man. -But hey, it’s a nice comp!
You’ve drank the same milk and become the… thing you are With the same milk, same shit, so no crying about it. You’re right. To the brighter hall! Always. Alright – but did you think you’d
get away with just that? I gots a lil’ surprise for you! Grab the camera. -What now..? Guess what you make from THESE? -YOU MOTHERFUCKER! We’ll mix you a White Russian as a chaser! Oh, whatever does it include? One baby bottle of M-milk, a little Finlandia Vodka
and some Kahlua. You’re a devious fuck. I can’t approve of this. Nor understand! -…nor understand nor approve. Baby bottle in mouth, insert! Jesus Christ… This is a bit rancid stuff! Stop complaining, it’s organic milk from an organic
Finnish mommy! -I guess it is. Damn good muffin, with a side of coffee here,
I wouldn’t hesitate to offer it to guests! Look how the fat is forming on the surface
on very, very deep level… No wonder babies are FAT! D’ya think that was it? Pour that drink BACK into the feeder! Fuck me… what about the ice? -The ice stays out. How is it? Too fucking good! Yes! …did it go into your mouth..!?
Did you swallow it!? Would pass for regular, in any Jet Set club if
the drunk celeb would order a tray full of these. Would be great actually, with a lil’ mom’s milk in the mix,
maybe it would calm down the craziness in those stys when some hormone would make a connection in the brain,
a memory trace for safety and quiet to put a stop to the never-ending shouting, hollering
and ass-shaking… I’d recommend this to every alcoholic, because they forget
to eat, and here they’d get some nutrients that their
booze-soaked minds could really use. Nothing else to say than this local, organic, unpolluted
food simply works – on all levels! Mad Cook, over and out! Now for the Cook’s Command! “The less you shall stress, the more Mad Cook shall bless!” Needless eating and the appetite for meat
crossing all boundaries will not be stopped by the dollar sign fapping food industry,
but it can be stopped by YOU. You can help ensure that maybe in 50 years,
we’ll still have fresh water and air left to breathe. Even the insane prattler promises to eat less meat,
although the thought seems scary at first but you don’t give children candy everyday just cause it’s good –
let’s not behave like children! Just one day a week without meat will lighten
the stress on our climate. Was that it? -Yup. I’ll cook this leftover meat right now… I’m fucking starving.

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7 thoughts on “Mad Cook Episode 9 – Eng Sub

  1. Kaikkien pitäis sivistää itseään ja kuunnella Rikua, koska onhan hän yksi varmasti kovivvimistsa maalaisjärjen ja viisauden omistajista.

    Everybody should civilize themselves and listen to Riku, afterall hes one of the most wise men in this planet with strong commonsense.

  2. EI TULISI PÄÄSTÖJÄ eikä tilaaa veisi kun ihmiset perkele söisi metsän eläimiä susia ja hirviä ja mäyriä poskeen perkele sit mäkissäkin vittu ne saatanan teolisuus naudat voisi korvatar rotan lihalle mitä ne vetää kehitysmaissa EI HIPIT VALITTAS

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